First, let me be clear. I’m not talking about lying on the sofa for extended periods of time, commonly known as “marathoning” or “binge-watching”. That I could do pretty much indefinitely if I allowed it. What I’m talking about is really being still with myself, no distractions beyond sensation and awareness. Whether for you it’s meditation, a few moments of self-reflection, introspection, journaling or simply resting body and mind: why is it so hard to resist the constant lure of the external, to disengage and spend time within? Here’s a few of the reasons, for me.
1. FOMO
For those of you who don’t have kids to keep you in the loop, FOMO is the Fear of Missing Out… and it’s terrifying. What might I miss? What if something is going on that I don’t know about! Something new and scary may have happened in the Middle East! My friend may never speak to me again if I miss her party! Someone might have posted a recipe I’ll never get to try! My laundry basket may overflow! The world might move on without me! Can you imagine how horrifying?
2. Mistaken Notions of Productivity
Silence, introspection, stillness… these are not qualities that are much valued by the culture at large. Have you ever responded to “how ARE you?” with “Oh, REALLY busy” and a litany of all of the important things that are demanding your time and attention? If you have, you’re not alone. It’s easy to slip into feeling the need to prove our value and worth (to ourselves?) on a scale of how little downtime we have and in how many directions we’re pulled. What ever happened to quality over quantity, or remembering that we’ve got nothing to prove?
3. It’s Scary in There
Let’s face it: when you get really still, there isn’t much to do but to be with yourself and your thoughts. Since denial is a really useful avoidance strategy, stillness can be counterproductive to that end. The things we’ve done (and are doing) that we wish we hadn’t (or weren’t); the emotions we’ve stuffed down and eaten or shopped or drama’d (yes, that’s my word) away; the dreams we bury because they feel too (overwhelming, scary, unrealistic, unattainable, feel free to insert your own adjective here); the big uneasy questions we don’t have answers to. All of these and more are likely to rise up when I allow the machinery of my body and mind to grind to a halt. What then?
4. There’s Just Too Much to Do
At what point did I forget that I’m responsible for my own life? There’s nothing that is “being done to me” but there are practical realities that I need to work with. If I want more of what money brings, I may have to sacrifice some of my time and attention. If I want more time with my family, I may need to cut back on my work schedule, or sleep less, or curtail another activity that I enjoy. Tough, adult choices… but mine nonetheless. And thank goodness for them as many don’t have even that luxury.
The interesting fact is that when I do step back, do the difficult, face the unthinkable and just sit with myself, I most often am able to connect to the still, clear voice inside of me that’s just dying to be heard. It exists outside of the demands of time and holds everything I need to know to move forward with clear intention and purpose. To let the extraneous, outer-directed stuff go, and focus on what matters most to me, to the ones I love, and for the well-being of all.